Ok… I really struggle with my feelings. Maybe it sounds a little off topic, but the feelings are related to social interactions, only after. Sensations of distress on how my impact influences people I meet at work. Most feedback in life tells me that my influence around people is positive, but still it bothers me a lot when alone these days. When interacting with people I feel very comfortable, but when alone I feel awkward, to intense, weird, too little, too much, doing things wrong, make bad signals etc.
I grew up in an environment with a great deal of threats of violence, alcohol abuse, drugs and the need for a capability of being able to read the environment and people well. Often fast, and in big groups of people. I myself is not any abuser of either drugs or alcohol, just to clarify this.. But I have learned some valuable social skills through my life, and I have little or no fear of people and social interactions. But my life is now in a totally different social stage, and instead of being surrounded by very social direct and often unstable personalities, I now live in a stable community with mostly successful people, and the difference of myself and others are now pretty big. And for me the surroundings are quite unfamiliar. My social capabilities have got me lots of work, especially towards children with behavioral problems such as extreme shyness, aggressiveness and also autism. My results and feedback is good in this areas because of my ability to understand the kids well without them having to use much words. I see them and make them feel safe and comfortable, and both parents and kids show me great thankfulness . But my social mindset has also now become my nr.1 source of distress, because in my interactions with colleges I feel like a total freak. It feels like they get stressed out by being seen or met in an openly manner by me? And because I have no sense of the ordinary social rank of hierarchy, and see all people alike, it seems like this causes a great deal of stress also. Even if I am always polite, kind and adjustable, even my bosses seems to be quite stressed by me, and have a hard time communicating with me. And they usually don’t. They tend to avoid me. I do not have a hard time communicating with them, and when I do, everything is fine. But they seem to have a hard time approaching me. It is like they have a bigtime dissonance in their feelings about me, and it haunts me, really.. I have now ended up thinking way to much about how they see and think of me, even though I mostly get positive feedback. ( in expressions and by secondary persons, but rarely one on one) I’ve ended up to be almost afraid of seeing people, and be seen by people, totally opposite of what I am used to. And I have a hard time figuring out how to handle it. So If you have some good ideas I would love to hear them.. Because I really want to be approached, even if it is to be corrected, even yelled at..
This issue is in professional settings mainly, and not in ordinary social life. My personal theory is that because I do my work in a manner very different than what they are used to, and in a society where education and rank means very much, they want to correct me with the right way to do things, because I have no education. But because I have good results and insight in what I do, they don’t find a way to correct me or tell me what to do different , and this might cause dissonance?
Second, might it be that I am terrible at being approached or taking compliments?
This theory at least makes me sleep, but do not help much more than that..
To the question in this topic of how you can help, I would be really thankful of getting the opportunity of the education from your course..